a few things about me

I've suddenly decided I don't just want to share how-to articles for other indies (see here), even if I'm very passionate about indies being able to make a living from their art.

I'd rather express myself fully (or, as much as possible), and invite you, my reader, into my life a bit more.

Hopefully these points that follow will allow you to do just that.

  1. I'm a third-generation Indian, born and raised in SW London

  2. My name, Jasraj, means king of glory or king of life. Pretty powerful stuff. For some reason, I never really embraced my name growing up. Now, I feel it's pretty bad-ass.

  3. Discovering I was an introvert, and an HSP/empath, were two of the biggest self-discoveries I made during my 20s. I actually run a blog for sensitive introverts over at INF club.

  4. I was very studious at school up until aged 16 when a few things happened; I picked the subjects I thought I should pick, I get fed up of studying, and I had zero idea what I wanted to do with my life

  5. I ended up dropping out of university, twice

  6. University was a pretty tough time for me. Being away from home, in a place I didn't feel grown-up enough for, I felt lost. I holed myself up in my room, and an online addiction that had already started to take hold only tightened it's grip further. I would literally spend hours, even days, holed up in my room, every hour spent on the computer or half-asleep. I'd sometimes emerge late at night, when there was no chance of bumping into my university dorm-mates, for a bowl of cereal or some boiled eggs.

  7. Degree-less at a time post-recession, I fell into recruitment. I liked the idea of working with people, helping put them in jobs, and making some good money. The reality was putting people move from one job to a near-identical job, that paid a little more money. The competition of 'billing' more than my colleagues kept me going for a while, but I ultimately became exhausted (long hours & lots of interaction), and unfulfilled

  8. I am an idealist. The dreamy imagination I conjure up in my mind rarely (never) matches up to reality. This doesn't stop me from continuing to dream though, and that's one of the things my writing lets me do. Daydream. Dream.

  9. I went through a period of reading a lot of self-help, psychology, auto-biographical books. Like I was looking for answers, for meaning, for solutions & magic bullets. Having just turned 30, I lean more inward, and my own intuition, trusting myself and the process, rather than looking for answers on the outside.

  10. I left recruitment in 2015, to study a Masters, not having a clue what y . 'work' life would look like. I've done a lot of experimenting; doing 'my own thing', going back to working in sales, trying my own thing again, looking for a content/marketing-type role. All the while dealing with my own self-lecturing (and others' self-lecturing) on why I can't just stick to something and be content and be like a proper adult should. Hmm, maybe one day.

  11. Amongst the self-doubts and critical thoughts I do have an over-riding belief that everything will work out just fine, and exactly as it should.

  12. I've definitely been guilty of obsessing over the 'work' question, and attaching too much of my identity and self-worth in the work I am doing. I am trying my best to live a more whole life, and focus on other things that nourish me; e.g. family/friends/romantic relationships, movement/exercise, experiencing new things, learning new stuff, and so forth.

  13. My CV is in constant motion. In fact, I could probably produce 10 different versions of my CV to highlight all of the random, unconnected things I've done, studied, learned, explored, tried, failed, etcetera. I am a total multi-potentialtw

  14. I'm an INFP personality-type, and a Gemini. I'm slowly getting more into woo stuff - birth charts, spirituality, readings, shamanism, mantras & 'law of attraction', all of that fun stuff.

  15. I have a constant yearning to jump around and learn and try more things. This can prevent from from sticking at things and gaining satisfaction and the energy/results that come from completing things. I'm trying my best to get better at this.

  16. My time management skills are… a work in progress. I tend to be more whimsical than a planner. Again, I'm slowly trying to embrace 'setting tasks', and being intentional, and balancing moving forward whilst not overwhelming myself with to-do lists that I know may never get started, let alone complete

  17. I'm trying to lean into the here and now, rather than imagining the perfect end-result. (e.g. I try to just write, rather than imagine myself as a 'successful, money-making author'). I try to just put one foot in front of the other, rather than psyche myself out with visions of the future and where the idealist in my wants to get to.

  18. I also try to remind myself that whatever I imagine the feeling of the end-result to be, it probably won't be like I imagine it. I try to derive joy and appreciation for the here and now, as much as I get sucked into thinking "Once I get here, then I'll be happy).

  19. Self-care is really important for me. My mental health has peaked and troughed over the years, and I once had a depression & anxiety diagnosis. Due to be sensitive nature, managing my energy, my mood, my mental health is really, really important.

  20. I love watching cartoons. And animated stuff. I love losing myself in stories, feeling what the characters are feeling, and otherwise escaping from the world. The best dream I ever had was right after I watched the first Harry Potter film aged 11-12; I dreamt of actually being at Hogwarts. It was epic.

  21. I feel like I'm a late-bloomer, in many ways. I looked and felt very young when I was at university, for example. I was one of the shortest in my school year up until my late teens. I thought I'd have life 'figured out' by my 20s, with a family and a life all set up. I've just turned 30 and things have turned out to be very different. Yet, I'm happier than I've ever been.

  22. I definitely had a quarter-life crisis around that time when I was at peak unhappiness in afore-mentioned recruitment job. I even briefly ran a blog for introverts called 'The Quarter-Life Introvert'. I've had a few blogs for introverts.

  23. By now, you might begin to get a feeling that I've always felt, well, weird. Like, not designed for life on Earth. I try not to lean into that particular thought too much, and it's always encouraging when I find other souls who resonate with me. (often other introverts, INFPs/Js, writers, sensitive souls, etc. You all *rock*)

  24. Managing my energy is a really important thing. As is balancing socialising (with the right people) and my alone-time. Too much of one over the other isn't great; socialising exhausts me (yet nourishes me), and down-time nourishes me (yet isolates me). It's all about the balance.

  25. This list has been really therapeutic to write. I hope you've enjoyed reading it.

  26. The iced-coffee has definitely helped give me that zing of energy I needed to knock this piece out. I could probably do with writing more in-the-moment pieces like this, rather than constantly planning and scheduling and such.

  27. A couple of my (current) favourite blogs are ZenHabits and Art of Manliness.

  28. I'm looking to start a martial art.

  29. I'm doing a lot of journalling/affirmations/self-love stuff right now.

  30. I've just finished a 5 Minute Journal, and have ordered a Best Self journal which is due to be arriving today. Pen to paper journalling is the best. The more I write, in whichever form, the more I am realising just how powerful and cathartic it is. Like I'm healing in the process, and leaving little pieces of myself out in the world for others to connect with and also feel warm, and understood, and nourished.

Written: Tuesday, 13th August 2019 (gym cafe)